Getting Settled
Welcome good reader to another instalment of Fatpaparazzi goes international. You will quickly discover this is a solo effort as Lyndall, the “Paparazzi” component of the joint-venture selfishly booked a 4 week odyssey to Antarctica later in the year that you’ll learn all about in the coming months. That left the “Fat” component to his own devices and Thailand was his destination of choice.
With his oldest living in Canada, his youngest trekking in Nepal, and everyone else doing whatever they bloody well pleased, Fatpap milked the extra pay of Xmas and Boxing Day public holidays then high-tailed it out of Sydney and headed to Phuket on December 27th. Well so he thought.
Back in the September planning stages two options came to bear. Malaysian Airlines via KL with a 6hr transit, or Jetstar direct to Phuket carrying a small additional cost. The latter was selected with the confidence of a reformed gambler given their history, reputation, and Fatpap’s own experiences.
Christmas gifts were unwrapped, the champagne consumed and prawn heads disposed of accordingly ready for a mid-afternoon departure the following day. At 10:00am a text messaged advised a 1hr delay to the scheduled departure. At 12:00pm another highlighted a further 2hr delay. By 2:00pm the flight was cancelled entirely. Ripper. It wasn’t long before yet another text reassigned the designated flight for departure the following day at 10.00am. If nothing else can be said about Jetstar, their flights might be in disarray but their messaging of said disarray is second to none.
The next day that quickly became a midday time slot but given Fatpap was already “airside” it only meant more food and more grog as the hours ticked away at gate 35. No wait, we had moved to gate 17. Oh sorry ya’ll, make that gate 42. Yes gate 42 we are confident. 6:00pm saw us “off chocks” and taxing to 16R for immediate departure to Phuket Thailand. Never again Jetstar, swear to Christ never again.
After a 9hr flight touchdown was made right on midnight and all seemed salvageable. Until of course alighting the aircraft to face an immigration queue longer than that for a Taylor Swift merchandise stand. Seriously? Like fricken seriously? This was Fatpap’s 157th international sector - yes yes, he records them all, an aviation nerd admittedly - and never before had he seen a line up to have finger prints scanned, a passport stamped and his integrity questioned. 2:10am cleared that bottle neck, enough time to have watched Die Hard on the iPhone (had wifi been available) to find checked luggage lined up by size and colour with only a small hint of cobwebs forming on the outer reaches.
A pre-booked private transfer got Fatpap to the Courtyard by Marriott Patong Beach right on 3:00am, 36hrs later than anticipated and stone cold motherless sober. Ok. Enough bitching. Oh wait….until the return flight home. Yep, Jet-fricken-star.
JQ 27 SYD - PKH
The Courtyard was recently acquired by the Marriott Group and still under some very minor construction. In truth, the only disadvantage was the front bar and restaurant not yet being completed but everything else was new, very very swish, and actually too good not to be booked when found on the internet months before. Located between the beachside and first streets of Patong Central, the hotel had every amenity and luxury imagined affording 3 separate pools, 4 restaurants and 3 bars all literally a stone’s throw from every point of interest in the chaotic world beyond its fence line. A more than affordable upgrade to a poolside room was in hindsight the perfect complement to a perfect hotel.
3:00am arrival or not a garbo is a garbo and a dawn wander was taken to the beach and town centre to get some bearings and earmark a few restaurants and bars for future visitation. Patong is pretty much like any other Southeast Asian beach resort town but already seemed a little less spoilt or “boganified” compared to others along the earths belt. The beach is nothing like Australia’s many or can compare to the Maldives, but the combination of water, sand, trees, street vendors, restaurants and bars all within metres of each other always seems special and instantly relaxing. No shirt, no shoes….NO PROBLEM.
With bearings set and the town explored before the ensuring nighttime chaos, it was a return to the hotel for an included daily breakfast and begin Somboon’s education on how to make the perfect omelette for Fatpap each morning. The buffet was second to none with a range of food for every taste and it wasn’t long before all were sampled. The rest of the morning was spent lazing by the pool familiarising oneself with a new home for the next week or so and making another friend, Kang, the ever-smiling-albeit-slightly-overweight poolside bartender. He would be appropriately tipped by holidays end, but let’s be honest, Fatpap made the poor bugger earn it.
Midday saw a reluctant departure from the pool and a wander up the main drag to unearth what Patong had to offer. Patong is located on Phuket's west coast and the islands main tourist resort. It is also the centre of Phuket's nightlife and shopping and became very popular with western tourists, especially Europeans, in the late 1980s.
Known for the 3km beach that runs the entire length of the town said nightlife is centred around Bang La Road lined with many bars, discos, and go go bars. Prostitution is illegal in Thailand but tolerated, and prevalent, in Patong.
On 26 December 2004 Patong Beach along with many other west coast areas of Thailand were struck by a tsunami caused by the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake. The wave caused a great deal of destruction to the waterfront and inland region with Patong becoming one of the worst affected areas of the country. Thankfully it has recovered and Patong again thrives as a major tourist destination.
Bang La Road by day is a shadow of its nocturnal self coveted by vehicles more than tourists, but the series of boarded shopfronts were indicative of what would be uncovered later that evening. A cheap and cheerful restaurant of no particular celebrity was selected for lunch where an obligatory Pad Thai and Glass Noodle Salad was chosen. Accompanied by a few infamous Singha Beers, the words of recently departed Shane MacGowan rang true….“Singha Beer don’t ask no questions, Singha Beer, don’t tell no lies”. That little ditty echoed in the mind for god knows how many hours !!
An afternoon pool session was duly required before the next planned adventure on the other side of the island was to begin.
Patong Beach, Phuket, Thailand
AKOYA Star Lounge
Prior to leaving Sydney, and way back when booking this holiday, Fatpap was looking for a special place for dinner in one of those restaurants you seem to always find littered across Instagram. The perfect location to grab that awesome image for the grid. AKOYA Star Lounge was discovered and immediately booked for the third night on tour, which as you have already learnt became the first night. But what a way to kick off this indulgent holiday.
Soaring 55 metres above sea level with 360° night sky and ocean views, AKOYA is part of the luxurious Villas Phuket Hotel situated on the south-eastern side of the island and about a 30 minute drive from the Marriott. Star Lounge is a landmark rooftop bar featuring chic lounge seating and a casually sophisticated ambiance. Just like Fatpap.
Upon arrival one is richly ushered into an electric golf cart to be chauffeured up the mountain and into an airy bar affording 180° views of Ao Yon Beach and the bay behind. Here a sublimely perfect passionfruit sorbet cocktail was served that slowly melted in the equatorial heat before taking a short elevator ride to the rooftop bar. Here is where the magic unravelled.
The sun slowly set and that promised Instagramable view constantly changed. The resident DJ leaked ever-so dulcet tones and the forever attentive staff offered drinks, snacks and aided selfies. To be polite another cocktail was enjoyed before a bottle of wine selected to accompany dinner. Here the house specialty could not be overlooked and an absolutely monstrous platter arrived brimming with local seafood delicacies. Muscles, calamari, snapper, lobster and chilli prawns slowly disappeared with the sun on the horizon as Fatpap contributed over-excessively to his name.
Another cocktail, an Andromeda if correctly remembered, was savoured in the now pitch black night sky with the lounge lights coming into play and changing the vista yet again. AKOYA lived up to its reputation and afforded a most wonderful, decedent, and admittedly expensive first night in Phuket. A downhill golf cart to a booked taxi saw an hour ride home to the hotel in very light rain winding through a party island truly coming to life around the 10:00pm mark.
