Having To Leave — fatpaparazzi.com.au

As with any holiday, over time the days shorten, blend together and before long it’s nearing time to head home. This was no exception and losing 36hrs thanks to our reliable friends at Jetstar didn’t help the cause. But the week thus far had been both action packed and relaxing, however a few items still sat left of ledger so Fatpap did his best to see them realised before leaving Patong.

Thailand famously became the first Asian country to legalise recreational use of cannabis in June 2022 and there has been an explosion of dispensaries on the island of Phuket since. Walking around it seems every 10th or so shop is centred around the drug and beggars the question what establishments were there prior, and what impact that has had on the island and its people. The availability of weed is everywhere but smoking it is not allowed in public places, consequently it is not like tourists are stumbling around in a smoke filled haze, it is actually not that noticeable unless you happen to be in one of the dispensaries. So without incriminating Fatpap and maintaining the extraordinarily high levels of morality associated with Fatpaparazzi the brand, this is not the forum to either confirm or refute any partaking in such illicit activity while in Patong. But of course he did.

Having said that, as at March 2024 it has been announced Thailand will once again ban recreational use of marijuana by the end of the year. Well, there you go.

The last “want to do” agenda item was an ATV ride up to the famous Big Buddha Statue on Nakkerd Hill a little south of Karon Beach. A dozen operators offering principally the same experience can be booked with any street side tour booth and this one was found that very way. An early pickup minibus meandered the coast before climbing through the more densely thicketed terrain expected for such a tour. Carved into the side of a hill Seaview ATV Tours greeted Fatpap, the sole participant of their 9:00am morning tour, with all enthusiasm. Following a brief introduction wavering any responsibility in the event said ATV careers from the road tumbling to a grizzly death through the lack of training or barricades adjoining the road, Fatpap was shown what button to press and what lever to pull to make the machine operational.

Phuket’s Big Buddha is a seated Maravija Buddha statue constructed in 2017 and the third tallest statue in Thailand. Standing (or sitting) 45 metres tall and 25 metres wide it is made of concrete covered with Burmese white marble and can be seen from most southern based vantage points on the island. A sealed road was taken to the peak of the hill after which it was foot traffic only to the statue. Staring east over Khelong Bay, like most large deities constructed for whatever reason, the huge monument was spectacular but maybe not as much the view.

On the way back down the track went a little more off-road winding through a hillside jungle passing elephant ride operations and protected rubber plantations. ATV-ing is always a fun adventure and a great way to experience the other side of a seaside resort town if given the opportunity. The final stage of this wonderful morning was an open air tuk-tuk ride back to the Marriott hugging the coastal road through Karon which was an experience in itself.

The last few days in Patong were filled doing pretty much the same as every other day. The place is actually quite amazing and the hotel second to none and island life ideally suited Fatpap. Another wander to Bang La Road on the last evening “had to be” taken to experience the amazing street food and exuberant nightlife one more time. A salt and pepper styled lobster was the culinary swan song with chilli prawns and Singah Beer to accompany…..really, could it get any better. The last evening too saw the most spectacular sunset on tour and after a gentle whisper into the tuk-tuk drivers’ ear, and slipping him a few extra baht, a brief stop at the famous Patong Beach sign was allowed that as yet hadn’t been photographed at night. It’s cliche for sure but did add a final tourist dimension to an otherwise amazing time at Patong Beach, Phuket. A farewell G&T at the Chill Bar closed out a perfect final night on the island.

On the second to last day Fatpap happened upon a funky little open aired bar literally around the corner from the hotel. The Ocean View Bar was a hole in the wall - what is the word to use here, dive - that just happened to be in the perfect location with the perfect food and drinks at the perfect price. The last 2 lunch breaks were spent here doing the island thing. Sitting watching the world go by sipping on a cool cocktail with a warm breeze in the face was nothing short of a Jimmy Buffet song. It was paradoxically nothing yet at the same time absolutely everything. The tequila sunrises were criminally eminent and as luck would have it, Fatpap scored a stunning black Rolex from a bloke with a bag full of them for only a fraction of the duty free price. Can you believe that! Where else could you get such a bargain!

So, the final day was always planned to just relax by the pool and finish the last 100 pages of the novel that had been hen-pecked thus far. Everything was going to plan until an all too familiar text message from Jetstar advised JQ18 that afternoon would be delayed. By 2 hours. A quick chat with the hotel concierge facilitated a late check out - better spent here than at the airport - and a rescheduling of the prearranged airport transfer. The novel was duly demolished along with the last of the outrageously cheap gin purchased at the 7-11 across the road only days before.

Phuket International Airport is in dire need of an upgrade. As the gateway for all air travel to the island - boasting direct flights from Moscow no less - the facility even falls short of the old Tiger Airways terminal in Launceston. It was packed, under staffed and given the 9:00pm peak departure window most things were surprisingly closed. But that paled insignificant because while sitting on an obscenely smelly carpeted floor, the phone buzzed advising a further 2hr delay for JQ18. Fan-Jetstar-tastic !

Due to scheduling it was always known the return leg to Sydney would be via Melbourne requiring a change of flight onward. Of course with the international delay and then lost baggage in Melbourne, the easy SYD-MEL connection was predictably missed and repositioned, you guessed it, an hour later. Refer here to page 1 of the blog - never again Jetstar, swear to Christ never again.

Without sugar coating, Phuket is like most Southeast Asian holiday destinations but slowly working its way to the top of many travellers’ lists. For years we Australians have gravitated to Bali, for reasons we all know of course, but Europeans have for decades seen Phuket for its worth. Pricing between the two is now fairly comparative however given - in this writer’s opinion anyway - the difference Phuket offers culturally, environmentally and topographically, plus the added bonus of less Australian tourists, Phuket and Thailand in general make a very viable holiday alternative well within most budgets if sharply sought after through the internet or Sunday papers.

This holiday was booked with a purpose not centred around photography or grand touring. It was about relaxation and gluttonous eating. Those objectives were achieved as you’ll have ascertained, but unexpectedly some bangers found their way into the portfolio too. But as with all foreign travel, along the way cultural aspects bubbled to the surface creating greater memories than lying on a beach or sipping Pina Coladas by the pool. Phuket Elephant Care Sanctuary and the Phi Phi Islands tour are examples on this particular adventure. Both were expected to be wonderful but ended up leaving an indelible mark for years to come. As will the images captured there.

The shopping, food, nightlife and bars were exactly as anticipated and in all honesty such a fun way to decompress after the build up of Christmas frustrations. Airline obstacles aside this was a fantastic holiday with the only criticism being it was too short. But then again, who has ever said otherwise.

So there’s something for the Fatpaparazzi annals a little different to those proceeding. Fatpap of course thanks everyone for persisting to this last page (without skipping parts) and hopes you might have gained some insight into Phuket or perhaps help ignite a spark to go there yourself. Either way, as long as we had fun in the process that’s all that matters.

Stay tuned for details of Lyndall’s selfish South American and Antarctic adventure in the coming months and naturally we both will be gracing Splendour again in July 2024.

Until next time...because of course, there will be a next time.

Peter